What I've Learned from Having a Record-Setting Backpacker as my Partner

Maggie Slepian

I have the most backpacking experience out of anyone in my friend group. Every time I drag my girlfriends into the backcountry, I dig into my backpacking closet and parcel out lightweight backpacks, sleeping bags, and spare filters like a benevolent princess of backpacking. I take great pride in doling out advice on pack weight, the benefits of non-cook meals, and in helping everyone pitch their tents at our scenic destinations. 

Then I met Jeff.

I have 4,000 miles of backpacking experience, Jeff has 25,000. I can cover 25 miles per day, Jeff cruises 75 miles over two days as moderate training. He is well known in the backpacking community for his 8,000-mile hikes and numerous trail records. But those massive differences don’t matter when we head into the backcountry together. Backpacking is an activity we both love, we enjoy pushing ourselves, and there’s no feeling of inadequacy or superiority on either end. 

Here are the things I’ve learned from having a backpacking partner with exponentially more experience than myself, why I’ve never felt inferior, and how we make it work.

Set expectations and have an understanding of pacing and goals

Jeff’s time to put in huge training miles is not when we’re hiking together. That’s never the goal. We set achievable, reasonable mileages dependent on terrain and weather. There’s never the expectation that we’ll hike for 17 hours at a time, or crank out 50-mile days. I like to push myself with pace and endurance, but within reason. A lot of communication goes into this—an understanding that this might be a harder day, or we’re going to be hiking past dark. Chatting about the trail, how each person is feeling, and any concerns along the way will also help assuage anxieties. We had some timing concerns when we started up a 9,000-foot pass with thigh-deep snow starting at 7,000 feet. We decided together that gaining the pass, dropping to the other side, and reaching our destination lake wasn’t reasonable, and there was no shame in not reaching our goal.

On that note, communicate. Often. 

Our paces are fairly well matched during recreational trips, and neither of us stop very often for breaks. That said, we often check in to see how the other person is doing. This can be with water, if they need to stop and grab a snack, if their sock is doing something weird. Being vocal about physical limits, how you’re feeling on a particular day, or if the pace isn’t working is key. There are good days and bad days! I had a truly horrific hiking trip in Great Basin National Park—my body just wasn’t feeling it. Normally Jeff and I hike together, but not this time. I was feeling like trash and moving infinitely slower than my normal pace. I told him to please, for the love of heck, hike ahead. I didn’t want to be engaged in any sort of conversation, and I didn’t want to feel any (imaginary) pressure to keep up when I couldn’t. He waited at switchbacks and landmarks, and all was good with the world.

Put your pride away—It’s ok to learn from your hiking partner

No, I don’t need lessons in pitching a tarp tent or reducing pack weight. If you try to give me advice like that, there’s a 50% chance I’m swinging my pack at your head and stomping back to the truck. For this type of “learning,” I mean it’s enlightening to observe someone who has lived on a trail for eight months on end and hiked the mileage equivalent of circumnavigating the globe. This is everything from minor on-trail conveniences (the right side pocket is easier for me to grab water while walking) to larger “life in the backcountry” lessons. Over our miles together, I’ve learned to use intuition if I lose the trail, where water sources are most likely to be found that aren’t listed on a map, and how to navigate the trickiest trail sections by reading terrain. Ask all the questions, be as curious as possible, and put those skills to use with or without your partner.

Don’t let the more experienced person plan everything

I fell into this trap way too easily. Oh, Jeff has the GPS route all set up? Jeff can read a map better than I can? Jeff is tracking our mileage? It’s easy to become complacent and fall into a pattern of allowing the more experienced hiker to do all the planning, route-finding, and logistics. I was heading out on my own the other day when I realized that I had the mapping app downloaded, but I’d never used it. I had a Somewear GPS unit, but I wasn’t sure if it was activated. We always split the gear weight down the middle, but I had deferred so many of the logistical aspects to Jeff that when I was planning a solo trip, I realized I hadn’t actually planned anything in months. Even if your partner has a wealth of experience, take turns planning the trips. Not just finding the trailhead, but locating yourself on the trail, understanding landmarks, and doing your own route finding. Ask them to give you the reins for this one section, or the entire thing. It will boost skills and confidence and avoid that dreaded complacency. 

Maintain your independence 

This goes along with the above, but it’s been the most important lesson for me. I was an experienced backpacker before I met Jeff, and our trail miles together don’t diminish that. I’ve learned valuable backcountry skills from backpacking with him, but it doesn’t take away from my own identity and abilities. When he’s not available to hike or backpack? I go by myself. I take groups of girlfriends to amazing alpine lakes, and plan trips alone and with friends. A critical part of any partnership is maintaining your own identity, confidence, and skills, then using those positives to enhance your partnership. I’m constantly learning from the people around me, and spending time on my own allows me to process what I’ve learned and apply it to becoming a better version of myself.